I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
