Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
