You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
