he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
