I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
