420 ftw
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
