It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
