the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Vodka?
Forever.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
