Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
