He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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