Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize