you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
