The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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