I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
