It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
