he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
