Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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