no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
