I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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