You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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