The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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