Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't shave. On purpose
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
