He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
