i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I am available for nakedness
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
