2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she smelled like a LAN party
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Help. Why am I so naked?
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