Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
