Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
