Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
