You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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