i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The cops high fived after they tackled you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
