sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
