i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
