Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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