real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
