He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
