i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
