Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
