She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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