Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
