she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
