jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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