he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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