I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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