i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
His nipple licking is glorious
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