When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
