so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
