Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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