Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize