i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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