when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
