party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
