you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
