Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you had me at cake vodka
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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