i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
