dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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