I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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