When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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