She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
