I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
