I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
