Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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