God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
